Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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