I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
