Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
