ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
