how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
