I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
