I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
