Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
