Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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