He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
