Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
