So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
