It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
