If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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