so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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