dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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