Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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