In the future we'll all be gay
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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