So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
