On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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