i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
