Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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