entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
