Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize