I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
