Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize