I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
