I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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