So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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