We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
