i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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