They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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