try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize