i just wanna soil my oats bro
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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