You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
