Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize