I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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