So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
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