Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
