My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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