i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
