Someone shit on the floor
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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