I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
