I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
