I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
