I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
