dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
