I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
