ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Still dying that you shit outside
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
