so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
