No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So. Much. Porn.
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