i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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