He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
