my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
