She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
