Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
