we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
