Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
