Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
