He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
