im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
