Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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