There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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