meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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