Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
