Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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