I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
