I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
