just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
