Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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