Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
